work and reward

why do i feel like im being punished
even as i'm being rewarded?

i spent so much of my life avoiding work
and developing my own schema,
my own guiding star

and i developed unique outlooks,
skills and perspective,
translatable and employable,
such that now people offer me good jobs

it's a curse.
whatever you succeed at
you'll be offered more work

Berlin 2011

i woke up alone this morning

in someone else's car 
a smart car
i must have climbed in through the open window

to escape the pouring rain

i don't remember the rain

because i don't remember anything

but the detective in me is at work

this wasn't just a hangover from hell

this was hell

manifesting between my ears in real time

woke without shoes
and a pakistani passport in my pocket
€30 in one-euro coins
(sloshing) with no tshirt
but a velvet jacket

it's like i had become someone else

i finally made it home