my many smells

dead fish, badly aimed piss, wet dogs, nose-bleed inducing BO, open sewers, nob cheese, stale milk, dumpster juice, musky dust, dad's feet, farts, cabbage curry, ashed-in beer, old bong water, damp clothes... you name it, there is a crevice of my body to match the odor. there was a woman on a crowded tram a few days ago who had the misfortune of standing next to me after i had just run for the tram. needless to say, the sweat from running for the tram and the dirt from weeks of not showering and wearing the same socks and underwear combined to resurect all the unholy stenches lurking about my body and clothes. the poor lady literally had to bend her neck back in disgust as i took my place next to her, later proceeding to (politely as possible) cover her nose with her jacket. after a minute or so she began coughing violently and screwing her eyes, leaning as far away from me as possible, and finally, left the tram gagging and wretching as she pushed her way through the crowd. i mean, i like to think the girl had some kind of nervous condition, forcing her into paranoid delusions that she need cover her face in public in oder to avoid the miasma or some such idiocy, but frankly i think i have to accept admition of nasaly traumatising an innocent woman. furthermore i have some kind of pseudocamouflage semi-permanent tatoo all over my body from where the sweat has dribbled through the dirt, leaving tributaries of lighter tones behind. sometimes i cross my legs and dislodge an ancient fart, fossilised in the folds of my crotch, now let loose like pandoras box to once again terrorise the local population. this morning i coughed up a globule of slime the size of my big toe. i peered down at it, still wibbling a little from the force of the ejaculation. my analysis: opaque yellow, with speckled blotches of tampon brown: not so healthy. my leprous feet also, are slowly rotting away, large chunks of which now tend to come off when giving in to an itch. soon i believe my whole body will have reached the point of disintegration, thus becoming one with earth's eternal compost.