someone else's life

there are days i don't even
know how much
of my time
i spend
on my
own 
life
what an odd concept
that you could be spending your life on someone else
yet here we are

and as with all things
the more i think about it
the less i am sure
as my mind's eye passes the parallax
and then refocuses 

on my suicidal friend
for whom i gave so much
desperately trying to undo the knots of trauma
only to see it all burn

but that was nothing
when i think of the hours, days, weeks, years
decades?
i spend crucifixed to the screen
at the behest of an invisible man
for whom i have no love whatsoever
and whose name i don't even know

so ask yourself
make a habit of it
make a mantra of it
ask yourself
what are you doing with your life?
and who are you doing it for?